I Almost Joined a Throuple (And Honestly, I'm Glad I Didn't)

By Sofía Villafaña 

3Play, a stupid pun of three way, a dumb app that encourages singles to meet with couples as a third. It was also meant for various relationships in the spectrum of sexualities out there, and I was hoping it would be where I learned to dance with the devil and his demons. met a lot of couples on the app, in a time where I was exploring my identity in bounds that felt safe. I could no longer be alone with men, and I had always been curious about my attraction towards women. This felt like a good middle ground, a cute guy which I was familiar with in terms of my sexual identity and a girl who not only made me feel safe around a man she also let me explore the bounds of my interest. 

Mr. 32 was who I met first, on the app, introduced me to Mrs. 25. They were different, yet had so much in common. They were flirty, he was smooth while she was funny. They complimented me, him on my body, her on my brain. We started a group chat, and they explained the “rules” to me. There weren’t many spoken rules, mostly obvious ones like be honest and don’t keep secrets from each other. There were a few big ones like we each had to go on dates with every member of the throuple, and every few weeks the three of us had to spend time together. But also one essential rule, build a relationship with the rest of the throuple, and build a separate relationship with each member respectively. Everything was great. 

It was easy, dates, gifts, dinners, drinks, all of it. Mrs. 25 and I had pizza and fun text convos. Mr. 32 took me to dinners and bought me fancy cocktails that cost more than an hour at work.  I realized that it wasn’t women I didn’t like, it was Mrs. 25. I didn’t like. Mrs. 25 would plan dates with Mr. 32 and post cute poems about each other. They talked about their future together, while I got scraps of the present. She had something, someone, I wanted. Mr. 32. I wanted to be the woman he took to bed, who got more than dates in between work and his actual relationship. He loved her, and used me. Mrs. 25 hated that I got the parts of him that he no longer gave her. Mr. 32 lied, bullshitted, and manipulated every conversation he had with the both of us, conveniently keeping us both in the dark. She got the sweet parts of him, while I got the intimate parts. He always left out details of our time together, while also forgetting to include me in the romantic parts he gave her. I never got dates in the daytime, but always had the fun of the night. 

I was drowning in heartbreak, skipping class and my antidepressants. I lied to my parents and traveled across state lines to sneak off with a random guy and girl who didn’t care what happened to me. Mr. 32 took advantage of the vulnerable state I was in, hurt me, badly. It was then, when they were celebrating his birthday together and posting it all over instagram, that I realized I had to get out. Here I was making myself available to see them, him, at any given moment, while they weren’t even thinking of me. Mrs. 25 was in too deep, she had been in this cycle of lies with him for so long she couldn’t believe me when I told her what he had done. That he had broken a sacred unspoken rule of the throuple. He lied to his girlfriend, he had slept with me. 

It was hard getting out of this dance we started, the song was playing and it wouldn’t stop. His arms were latched to my waist on one side, and hers were on top of our shoulders on the other with me in between. I was locked, trapped in this relationship. I had to rip the bandaid off, to tear myself away from their strong embrace until I could get far enough to remember how to stand on my own. To this day, I struggle recognizing toxic behaviors and patterns, but thanks to Mr.32 and Mrs. 25 I don’t stay when I do notice it. I chose to claw my way out of the dark place I was in, and deleted 3Play. I blocked Mr. 32 and Mrs. 25, and started taking my meds again. I went to school, went on walks to clear my head when I felt the memories creep back in. I got facials and thought about how I never wanted that to happen again, that feeling of unrelenting want for someone who didn’t deserve me. I never want to be in a situation that makes me not stick to the routines that keep me alive, never again will I stay in something that drains the life out of me. It might take some time, but I will notice the signs, and I will notice the behavior that will remind me not to stick around. 

Don’t get me wrong, it was fun exploring my interest in women and men, it was fun being wined and dined, I loved being the center of attention when they gave it to me. I do like men, and I do like women. I like having fun stupid dates with people whose names I’ll never remember. I also like being respected, and that’s not something I’m willing to trade for fun. So yes, I almost joined a throuple, but ultimately didn’t. It’ll be a funny story my kids read about in the pages of my journal.