Romanticizing My Life After the Breakup

by Grace Sofia 

I recently suffered one of the worst breakups of my life. A friend breakup. It was the last 

thing I had expected to end so abruptly, after years, after most of my life given to being her support system and she was mine. Then, the rug got pulled out from under me, and I felt more unstable and unsure about every decision I made. It forced me to practice routines I did way back when I got cheated on by my shitty ex boyfriend. I had to make my life something pretty and worth waking up to without part of my support system. I have methods, and certain things I do to get out of the “funk” of a breakup.  

First and foremost, dispose of everything tied to them. Gifts, projects we both worked on, stuff I borrowed, out of sight out of mind. The less reminders I have of them, the easier it is to move on with my life. When I say dispose of everything, do I mean throw these amazing clothes, shoes, electronics, or whatever away? No, I mean keep them out of sight until you can handle going through them, or reevaluate what to do with them. It isn’t about an impulsive decision to be rid of the reminders of them, but to do an energy cleanse of your space. I usually donate everything, as soon as the relationship ends, I personally don’t like to let garbage linger. Donating feels like the end of a cycle. 

I make a playlist, an “Eventually Will Delete” playlist. It’s all the songs that make me cry, angry, or think about the breakup. It’s hard choosing a song at first, but usually it starts with whatever old ballad from the early 2000s that I’m currently obsessed with. I play it over and over again, until I can’t cry or rage or break shit anymore. Then, I delete the whole thing and never play any of those songs again because they will make me sad if I replay them. They’ve served their purpose, one day it’ll hurt less and I’ll be able to hear them again, but for now these songs are dead to me. 

Selfcare is an obvious one, but here’s some not so obvious parts of self care people don’t usually think about. Instead of just a spa day, make it a full reset. Deep clean your bedroom, rearrange the furniture, change out the posters, bring in new flowers, open a window and get some air, go on a walk, watch a productive youtube video while doing the laundry you forgot about. Trust me, it’s possible, and worth it. It helps you reclaim the space, especially if it was one you once shared with someone else. 

Invest in your future. This time around, after my friend breakup, I’m planning to do the 75 hard. I want to rebuild my good habits, and rebuild myself to a better me. I’m only on day 2 right now, but I hope to report back on day 75. 

SOLO DATES. I can’t stress this enough, learn to love being on your own. I go on one solo date a month, either to the park for a picnic, a bar for reading, a cafe for coffee and making a vision board. And don’t just go outside, put on a cute outfit, do your makeup, wear some jewelry, do whatever you have to do to feel good about yourself and make the solo date that much better. 

The hardest part is writing about it. I write a letter to the person I lost, and I say goodbye. I say every angry thing I’ve ever wanted to say, I get bitchy, and rageful. But by the end, I feel like I’ve released whatever hold they have on me. 

Now this is the ugly. Learn from it. Where did things go wrong? How could you have been better? I promise, with very few exceptions, there is always some way you could have reacted, behaved, or responded better. I try not to dwell on the past too much, I have to move on at some point, but I make sure to stay long enough to know how I can grow from it.